There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
