ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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