I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Panties = found
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
