what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
