i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
