My friends, they love my intelligence
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
