apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
