Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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