Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
where am i from again
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How external is "for external use only"?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
