Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
