So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
