I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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