I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
