You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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