I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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