I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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