He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
