I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
