If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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