he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We need to rekindle our bromance
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
