Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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