I will die if light touches me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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