You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
