Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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