sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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