if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Can you bring me the toilet please
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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