If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
