What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
