My nipple is on Facebook.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
