god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Shame - the story of my life.
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