good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
