i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
