she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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