You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
