I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
