I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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