You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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