my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
