The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
