She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish I only lived at night.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
