Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
