After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
