Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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