Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
