Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
