im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
