Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
