He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
