You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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