Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
