You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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