we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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