Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
