I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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