she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
