haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
did i just pee glitter
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
