What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
