Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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