maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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