I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
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I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
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The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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