But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
