I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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