She is in my trunk
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
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Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
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My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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