Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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