sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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