I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
