I'm going to jail i love you
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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