evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
