cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
