I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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