So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
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Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
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I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
tell me about the eggs
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