I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
