It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so let's talk penis.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she told me i tasted like america
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
