She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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