hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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