i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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