He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
