you turned your livingroom into a bong?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
