So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
